Contributor: Georgia Ellis

In the work I do I am often helping my clients make sense of situations where all of a sudden communication with another person suddenly ceases without any real explanation.

I too have experienced this personally and professionally (Mostly from decision makers in large organisations who engage my services, get a proposal and then… nothing but crickets), its bewildering, hurtful and often frustrating to the person who has been cut off and even if we have the mental complexity and emotional awareness to meet the demands of the situation, if the other person doesn’t then what we thought were meaningful relationships can suddenly slip away.

Ghosting really is a bit of a head-scratcher in today's world and sadly it seems to be happening more and more. 👻
If you’ve experienced it firsthand and wondered why people choose to ghost others, let me help you with some of the psychology behind this complex (and often hurtful) behavior.

Ghosting isn't just about a lack of communication skills on the part of the person doing the ghosting. It often stems from a mix of emotions, circumstances, emotional immaturity, and limited mental complexity (sometimes by both parties).

1. Lack of Maturity
Immature individuals might prioritise their own needs, feelings and comfort over the impact of their actions on others. This can sometimes occur on both sides of the Ghosting situation. For the ‘Ghoster’ sudden disconnection can seem like an easy way to avoid discomfort without considering the emotional toll it can take on the other person and for the ‘Ghosted’ they may be ignorant of the impact they are having on others.

2. Limited Mental Complexity
Some individuals struggle to fully grasp the impact of their actions on others due to limited interpersonal skills and inability to understand different perspectives, values and emotions.

3. Accountability Avoidance
Someone lacking maturity or mental complexity might struggle with taking responsibility for their actions. Ghosting provides an escape from facing the consequences of their behavior or explaining themselves.

4. Conflict Avoidance
Sometimes, the fear of confrontation or difficult conversations leads people to ghost. It's like hitting the "escape" button to avoid discomfort.

5. Uncertainty
When feelings are murky or they're unsure about the relationship's direction, ghosting can seem like a way to buy time and figure things out.

6. Digital Disconnect
In today's digital age, the emotional impact of ghosting might feel less real due to the impersonal nature of online communication. The growing need for instant replies may make you think you’ve been ghosted when someone has simply switched off.

7. Self-Protection
Individuals with low self-esteem or a fear of rejection might ghost as a defense mechanism to shield themselves from potential hurt.

8. Emotional Immaturity
Ghosting can arise from a lack of emotional maturity, making it challenging to navigate and communicate complex feelings and handle relationships with consideration.

9. Inexperience in Relationships
Individuals who are less experienced in navigating relationships might resort to ghosting as a coping mechanism simply because they haven't yet learned healthier ways to handle your behaviour. (a curse of our digital world)

10. Priorities Clash
Sometimes, juggling life's demands can become overwhelming, leading someone to unintentionally disconnect.

While ghosting might seem like an easy way out, in the long run it’s an uneducated approach that pulls humanity backwards.

If you use Ghosting as an approach, or you have been Ghosted, it's essential to reflect on the role you are playing in the situation and consider the emotions on the other side.

In the communication masterclasses I run we highlight the need to bring more curiosity, courage and compassion to our interactions and remembering that we're all human (yes we make mistakes - #apologise)

By dialing up these three approaches we can create stronger meaningful connections.

Instead of ghosting, build your emotional intelligence and mental complexity by trying some of these healthier ways to manage relationships:

1. Open Communication: Share your thoughts and feelings to help others better understand whats going on and collaborate on a resolution.

2. Setting Boundaries: It's okay to take space, but communicate that you need time or your needs have changed instead of disappearing. Share whats important to you in the situation and why you may need some time.

3. Honesty: If the connection isn't right, be upfront and respectful about your feelings.

4. Empathy: Put yourself in the other person's shoes—how would you want to be treated?

Ghosting might be common, but it doesn't have to be the norm.

Respectful communication, empathy, and consideration for others should ideally be part of healthy interpersonal interactions, regardless of one's level of maturity or mental complexity.

I invite you join the movement that values communication, self awareness, understanding, and compassion.

By treating others the way we'd like to be treated, we can foster healthier connections and build a more empathetic world. 💙

Contributed by: Lalya Wyatt

The Australian Department of Health emphasised that mental health is critical to our well-being. Virtual gatherings, events, and training programs have become increasingly popular ways to support mental health and maintain social connections during these challenging times.
 
"Virtual gatherings and events have become a lifeline for many individuals during these challenging times, providing a safe and supportive environment for maintaining social connections and supporting mental health. Training programs can also be crucial in building mental complexity and developing new tools for navigating life,” says virtual events extraordinaire Shaun Stephens at Loghic Connect.
 
In this article, we'll explore the mental health benefits of virtual gatherings and events and how training programs can help individuals build cognitive complexity. Virtual meetings and events offer many mental health benefits, including the following:

Virtual gatherings and events offer a safe and comfortable environment where individuals can connect with others without the added stress of leaving their homes. This can be particularly helpful for individuals who experience anxiety or stress related to social situations or travelling. Additionally, these virtual events can provide an excellent opportunity for those with introverted tendencies to participate at their own pace and engage more confidently in social interactions. By offering a more controlled and less overwhelming environment, virtual events allow these individuals to relax and engage in activities that promote relaxation, stress reduction, and a sense of social connection.

Virtual gatherings and events can create community and belonging by transcending geographical boundaries and cultural differences. One of the significant benefits of these global virtual events is the opportunity to interact with people from different cultures and countries without the need to leave your home or office. For example, imagine participating in a leadership course alongside a manager from Dubai, a leader from Poland, a coach from Sweden, and a leader from Melbourne, all hailing from different industries. This diverse environment fosters a rich learning experience, as participants can gain insights and perspectives from various cultural backgrounds, enhancing their understanding of global issues and promoting cross-cultural communication skills.

Virtual events (such as conferences and summits) and training programs allow us to learn new skills and expand our knowledge alongside diverse people from different backgrounds and cultures. This can help individuals build mental complexity and develop new tools to navigate life. Learning new skills can also promote a sense of accomplishment and self-esteem, improving mental health and well-being.
 
Another significant advantage of virtual events is the ability to fit your learning into your lifestyle without travelling to a specific location. This flexibility makes education and personal development more accessible, allowing individuals to balance their personal and professional commitments while pursuing growth and development opportunities. This adaptability can lead to reduced stress and greater control over one's life, further promoting mental health and well-being.

Mental complexity involves seeing multiple perspectives and understanding the complexities of different situations. It consists in having a flexible mindset and adapting to changing circumstances. Mental complexity is essential for navigating life and can be developed through training programs. Virtual events and training programs can provide tools and strategies for managing stress and anxiety, improving mental resilience, and building mental complexity. These skills can be applied to various situations, including work, relationships, and personal growth.

Develop Mental Complexity For Success At Work And Life With Blue Chip Minds
Virtual gatherings and events offer many mental health benefits, including maintaining social connections, reducing stress and anxiety, and providing community. Training programs can help individuals build mental complexity and develop new tools for navigating life. Investing in these programs can help individuals take control of their mental health and well-being and build resilience for the future.
 
Blue Chip Minds offers programs that educate leaders + individuals on the latest scientific discoveries about human potential and the human condition. At Blue Chip Minds, we understand the importance of mental health and well-being. That's why we offer programs with a blended delivery of face to face or virtual such as Life Reloaded, Superior Thinkers Toolbox, and Future Ready Leaders Toolkit to help you discover your unused potential.
 
Contact us today for more information.

Until recently, I have had a tug-of-war like relationship with the idea of responsibility for as long as I can remember. This recent shift felt like I was handed a key to a new understanding that nested in my mind and then expanded to create a form of internal freedom.

As if handed down by the magical powers that be directly into my awareness, I was offered a unique and transformative way to reshape how I look at, and understand, responsibility beyond what I had thought previously, which was always associated with a role, title or position. 

I now consider this a framework, a concept, a potential mapping of sorts, for how we can navigate ourselves and each other through the terrain of modern living and all of its complexities, and in this article I will be sharing it with you.

So, grab yourself a glass of your favourite beverage, sit back and let’s go on a little meditative and contemplative ride of curiosity and wonder together about how we can potentially reshape how, and what, we think when it comes to responsibility.​​

So, what can we do?
 

1. Well, for one, be kind to each other and remember that everyone is trying their best.

 
    2. Remember that during times of emotional, physical and/or mental internal imbalance, people are not at their best, and therefore, we need to recognise the inability of the other person to provide what we believe to be an appropriate response.
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A potential tool for these moments would be to become curious and ask the person we are about to request something from, “what is your current energetic, emotional, and physical capacity?” 

We could even go so far as to ask them to rate their levels out of 10 or 100, and if used in a team environment, whoever has the highest score may be able to take the reins for a moment to allow others to regain their equilibrium.  
 
    3. Use the description of ‘response-ability’ as a principle to live by, outside of roles, duties, status and labels – let’s perceive it as a guiding principle.

The more I think about this, the more I feel there’s so much to say, develop and find clarity on how the actual practical application of such a framework fits across our lived experiences. 

Though, essentially, I think it can be summed up by being more considerate of others and the environments we find ourselves in, and shifting our focus and attention from other people’s choices, actions and behaviours to our own. 

If we at least start from there, I trust the magnificence of who we are on a fundamental level - kindness, compassion, openness, curiosity, playfulness, joyfulness - will help us find our way.

​

I have always found being human fascinating, and as I continued to dive into the different sciences that underpin our humanness, I soon learned there is still so much we don’t know… which makes me wonder, with the pace of scientific enquiry and discoveries, how long will it be before what I know today… is well… irrelevant and outdated?
 
For Humans to get along with each other, there is a need for all of us to increase our capacity for critical thinking. To move from thinking our way is the right and only way and from hunkering down on outdated thinking and paradigms, to being curious enough to seek more information, look at things from every angle and formulate a flexible adaptive opinion. In other words, not being stubborn in thinking that the conclusion I came to today, will still be valid and relevant tomorrow when more or new information comes to hand.
 
Whether they know it or not, everyone lives most of their life from a biased vantage point, their Mindset. Our mindset is as unique as our thumbprint. It consists of our various values, perceptions, conclusions, assumptions and beliefs. All of these components create a filter or lens that you view the world through. To be able to see things differently, to appreciate new and diverse information, and sometimes opposing perspectives, and even solve wicked problems, we all need to be able view life from different vantage points.

We must notice when we are experiencing cognitive dissonance and at least be open to the perspectives of those who challenge and disrupt our long held (and sometimes outdated) patterns of thinking. Open and curious dialogue can help us bounce between the black and white thinking that keeps us stuck, to meander and experiment in the grey between what we believe is right and wrong. We need to know how to get off of our self-imposed playing field and up into the grandstand to see the game of life being played out before our eyes. Then, and only then, can we join the dots, make the connections, see where we have gone wrong and more importantly what moves to make to improve the game of life, for ourselves and everyone.
 
Your ability to see life from new or even opposing points of view is one element of critical thinking, it’s a mental muscle and similar to your physical muscles, the more you use it, the stronger it becomes.

In 2018 a picture of Prince William that went viral.  It showed what looked like the prince giving the “bird” to a crowd of onlookers. However, different photographers captured the same moment from different vantage points, revealing that Prince William was actually holding up three fingers indicating the birth of his third child.

If you had only seen the first image, you would have likely created a story about the prince, your clever brain filling in the blanks to make an erroneous assumption. This is just how we work, and if you didn't have the opportunity to see the same event from a different vantage point, you likely would hold on to your incorrect assumption for some time. This simple example shows you how even a slight change of view or stepping into the shoes of someone else (in this case a different photographer), allows you to perceive an event, problem or situation in a different way. It also builds your ability to think critically and enhances your mental complexity.
 
Perceptions are extensions of repeated and revisited thoughts and feelings. Strong emotions create very strong perceptions.  You will only see the world, and people according to how your brain has been wired. This means that your beliefs and perceptions are completely attached to your past experiences and past thinking. Your perception may not be based on actual events and how they happened, it will be based on the thoughts, feelings and mental state at the time of an event.
 
Your perception is formed about a person, situation, thing or experience once you become aware of it. Your brain fills in any missing information from past memories and experiences or by asking questions or making assumptions. Finally, you develop an understanding or belief about the person, situation, thing or experience. It becomes your point of view. How you saw the situation, how it made you feel and the thoughts you had about it creates your unique personal experience which will often be at odds with how other people who were involved in the same situation experienced it. This is why the people we live and work with have a different point of view to ours. Often causing conflict, confusion and even a break down in relationships, especially when people stubbornly hold on to their experience as the ultimate truth.
 
This does not mean that there is no truth in someone’s account of a situation, there is often an element of truth to a person’s experience. Sometimes we can see their truth and sometimes due to our different perspective we can’t see what they see, often leading to disagreement. Rather than arguing, you can use a difference of opinion or perspective as an opportunity, an invitation, to become curious and better understand how or why people see things the way they do.

The three factors that can influence your perception are your experiences, your motivational state and your emotional state. In different motivational or emotional states, you will react to or perceive something in different ways. Also, in different situations you might employ a "perceptual defence" where you "see what you want to see" and disregard the facts. This is commonly known as ‘confirmation bias’, a unique way to distort reality to have it fit into how we believe the world to be.

Steve Jobs is well known for doing this, his success was largely driven by holding on to an idea or point of view that brought Apples products to life. When people, including his own team, believed things couldn’t be done, Steve often saw things differently. Biographer Walter Isaacson writes that Robert Friedland "taught Steve the reality distortion field." (RDF). The RDF was said to be Steve Jobs' ability to convince himself, and others around him, to believe almost anything. He used a mix of charm, charisma, bravado, marketing prowess, appeasement and persistence. This approach was said to distort his co-workers' sense of proportion and scales of difficulties and to make them believe that whatever impossible task he had at hand was possible. This was the upside of his distorted reality, however Jobs also used the RDF to claim other peoples ideas as his own, even pitching an idea back to its originator, after dismissing it days earlier.
 
Knowing that your point of view is based on your past thinking, and possibly outdated beliefs allows you to expand and strengthen your perception by taking on new points of view, perhaps like Steve, believing in possibility when no one else does. This is especially useful when you are faced with a problem you can’t solve. Changing the way you look at a problem, or changing the thoughts and beliefs you have about an issue can often lead to solutions and save many an argument. Most arguments are caused simply by the different ways in which we all see the world. Doing your best to put yourself in someone else's shoes can help to build stronger and more meaningful professional and personal relationships.

In our Life Reloaded suite of programs, we explore tools designed to help broaden perspective and increase mental complexity. We look at how a team or individual can map differing points of view to solve organisational challenges and polarising viewpoints. We also explore how to use a simple activity (shared below) to help people step into the shoes of anybody, at any time, in any given situation.
 
Einstein has been attributed as saying “You can’t solve a problem with the same level of thinking that caused it”

We tend to approach the world from the same perception that causes and creates our issues, making it difficult to find a solution or a way through it. I personally started using this simple activity after reading about a similar approach recommended in the classic book “Think & Grow Rich”. This is how easy it can be:

Although it appears simple this activity allows you use your imagination to see things from another person’s point of view. Imagining that you are someone else shifts your thinking patterns, helps you to temporarily suspend your own mindset, release your biased point of view allowing new information to flow to you. You may find this to be a simplistic way of looking at your problems, however I encourage you to experiment with it the next time you feel stuck.
 
With a deeper understanding of perception and the right tools to shift your point of view, you will build confidence in your ability to resolve conflict, solve your own problems and shift your perspective in a powerful way.
 
Learning to walk in another persons shoes and manage polarisation are great tools to have, especially in the world we live in. This form or critical thinking allows you to tap into new information and to see the upside of the things that are opposite to what you personally value, and acknowledge that your side isn’t perfect, it allows you and those you live and work with to be better humans together.

Contact Blue Chip Minds to learn how to strengthen yours or your teams perception and increase mental flexibility.