Contributor: Georgia Ellis

In the work I do I am often helping my clients make sense of situations where all of a sudden communication with another person suddenly ceases without any real explanation.

I too have experienced this personally and professionally (Mostly from decision makers in large organisations who engage my services, get a proposal and then… nothing but crickets), its bewildering, hurtful and often frustrating to the person who has been cut off and even if we have the mental complexity and emotional awareness to meet the demands of the situation, if the other person doesn’t then what we thought were meaningful relationships can suddenly slip away.

Ghosting really is a bit of a head-scratcher in today's world and sadly it seems to be happening more and more. 👻
If you’ve experienced it firsthand and wondered why people choose to ghost others, let me help you with some of the psychology behind this complex (and often hurtful) behavior.

Ghosting isn't just about a lack of communication skills on the part of the person doing the ghosting. It often stems from a mix of emotions, circumstances, emotional immaturity, and limited mental complexity (sometimes by both parties).

1. Lack of Maturity
Immature individuals might prioritise their own needs, feelings and comfort over the impact of their actions on others. This can sometimes occur on both sides of the Ghosting situation. For the ‘Ghoster’ sudden disconnection can seem like an easy way to avoid discomfort without considering the emotional toll it can take on the other person and for the ‘Ghosted’ they may be ignorant of the impact they are having on others.

2. Limited Mental Complexity
Some individuals struggle to fully grasp the impact of their actions on others due to limited interpersonal skills and inability to understand different perspectives, values and emotions.

3. Accountability Avoidance
Someone lacking maturity or mental complexity might struggle with taking responsibility for their actions. Ghosting provides an escape from facing the consequences of their behavior or explaining themselves.

4. Conflict Avoidance
Sometimes, the fear of confrontation or difficult conversations leads people to ghost. It's like hitting the "escape" button to avoid discomfort.

5. Uncertainty
When feelings are murky or they're unsure about the relationship's direction, ghosting can seem like a way to buy time and figure things out.

6. Digital Disconnect
In today's digital age, the emotional impact of ghosting might feel less real due to the impersonal nature of online communication. The growing need for instant replies may make you think you’ve been ghosted when someone has simply switched off.

7. Self-Protection
Individuals with low self-esteem or a fear of rejection might ghost as a defense mechanism to shield themselves from potential hurt.

8. Emotional Immaturity
Ghosting can arise from a lack of emotional maturity, making it challenging to navigate and communicate complex feelings and handle relationships with consideration.

9. Inexperience in Relationships
Individuals who are less experienced in navigating relationships might resort to ghosting as a coping mechanism simply because they haven't yet learned healthier ways to handle your behaviour. (a curse of our digital world)

10. Priorities Clash
Sometimes, juggling life's demands can become overwhelming, leading someone to unintentionally disconnect.

While ghosting might seem like an easy way out, in the long run it’s an uneducated approach that pulls humanity backwards.

If you use Ghosting as an approach, or you have been Ghosted, it's essential to reflect on the role you are playing in the situation and consider the emotions on the other side.

In the communication masterclasses I run we highlight the need to bring more curiosity, courage and compassion to our interactions and remembering that we're all human (yes we make mistakes - #apologise)

By dialing up these three approaches we can create stronger meaningful connections.

Instead of ghosting, build your emotional intelligence and mental complexity by trying some of these healthier ways to manage relationships:

1. Open Communication: Share your thoughts and feelings to help others better understand whats going on and collaborate on a resolution.

2. Setting Boundaries: It's okay to take space, but communicate that you need time or your needs have changed instead of disappearing. Share whats important to you in the situation and why you may need some time.

3. Honesty: If the connection isn't right, be upfront and respectful about your feelings.

4. Empathy: Put yourself in the other person's shoes—how would you want to be treated?

Ghosting might be common, but it doesn't have to be the norm.

Respectful communication, empathy, and consideration for others should ideally be part of healthy interpersonal interactions, regardless of one's level of maturity or mental complexity.

I invite you join the movement that values communication, self awareness, understanding, and compassion.

By treating others the way we'd like to be treated, we can foster healthier connections and build a more empathetic world. 💙

"Step toward a better you. Step into self-investment." This mantra was the stepping stone that transformed my life from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

The Australian Government Department of Education, Skills and Employment defined self-investment as a commitment to learning and development to enhance one's skills and capability, fostering personal and professional growth. Let's plunge into a saga of self-investment and transformation in the essence of a story.
 
 “We believe that self-investment is a game changer. It's the key to unlocking your potential and transforming your future. It's not just about financial growth, but personal growth and fulfilling your dreams," says Shane Perry, entrepreneur and small business loan provider at Max Funding.
 
I still vividly recall those days, looking at my life cycle spinning around like a hamster wheel - work, eat, and sleep. My day-to-day routine was secure, stable and unchanging; even an inkling of uncertainty was conspicuously absent. But living this structured life casts a shroud over the potential spark within me. I was comfortable, yet unsatisfied. I yearned for a challenge, a catalyst that would stimulate my growth, personally and professionally.
 
Throughout this time, I found solace in an incredibly profound quote: "The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday." These words hit me like a gust of fresh wind, pushing me towards the edge of my comfort zone. They became the beacon guiding me on the path of transformation - self-investment.
 
Unlike popular opinion, this path did not involve a monetary commitment. Still, it required a more personal commitment of persistent effort, undivided focus, and endless patience towards personal growth and self-improvement.

Fast forward to today, I've developed this same transformative opportunity through programs like 'Life Reloaded', 'Superior Thinker’s Toolbox', and 'Future Ready Leaders Toolkit' at my initiative, Blue Chip Minds. These programs are carefully designed to help individuals and teams build mental complexity – just as it helped me.
 
Self-investment doesn't require an extravagant leap. Embark slowly and consistently—like a drop causing ripples in a calm water body, as does your continuous self-investment effort. The more you invest, the wider the growth and impact.
 
People often associate investments with instant gains. However, self-investment is a marathon, not a sprint—transformations don't happen overnight. They require patience, resilience, and the will to step out of your comfort zone, explore, and be curious about your capabilities.
 
Does it feel uneasy? It should, and that's perfectly okay. Any form of investment involves risks and uncertainties. However, remember, it's always possible to learn, change, and grow. The fruits of these efforts enrich and equip you with skills that propel you in your profession and unfold a better version of you.
 
What if you fall along the way? Ah! But what if you fly?

The very essence of self-investment lies in challenging your doubts and fears. Invest in nurturing your mindset, honing your skills, fuelling your creativity, and cherishing your well-being.
 
At Blue Chip Minds, we believe, and help you believe, in your potential to be exceptional—through our programs, workshops, and self-development modules. We guide you along the path so you can one day reminisce and share your story of transformation with the world.
 
So, how about you start today? Unleash your potential, invest in yourself, and watch the magic unfold.
 
Contact us for more information.

And remember that the biggest investment you can make is in yourself.

Contributed by: Lalya Wyatt

The Australian Department of Health emphasised that mental health is critical to our well-being. Virtual gatherings, events, and training programs have become increasingly popular ways to support mental health and maintain social connections during these challenging times.
 
"Virtual gatherings and events have become a lifeline for many individuals during these challenging times, providing a safe and supportive environment for maintaining social connections and supporting mental health. Training programs can also be crucial in building mental complexity and developing new tools for navigating life,” says virtual events extraordinaire Shaun Stephens at Loghic Connect.
 
In this article, we'll explore the mental health benefits of virtual gatherings and events and how training programs can help individuals build cognitive complexity. Virtual meetings and events offer many mental health benefits, including the following:

Virtual gatherings and events offer a safe and comfortable environment where individuals can connect with others without the added stress of leaving their homes. This can be particularly helpful for individuals who experience anxiety or stress related to social situations or travelling. Additionally, these virtual events can provide an excellent opportunity for those with introverted tendencies to participate at their own pace and engage more confidently in social interactions. By offering a more controlled and less overwhelming environment, virtual events allow these individuals to relax and engage in activities that promote relaxation, stress reduction, and a sense of social connection.

Virtual gatherings and events can create community and belonging by transcending geographical boundaries and cultural differences. One of the significant benefits of these global virtual events is the opportunity to interact with people from different cultures and countries without the need to leave your home or office. For example, imagine participating in a leadership course alongside a manager from Dubai, a leader from Poland, a coach from Sweden, and a leader from Melbourne, all hailing from different industries. This diverse environment fosters a rich learning experience, as participants can gain insights and perspectives from various cultural backgrounds, enhancing their understanding of global issues and promoting cross-cultural communication skills.

Virtual events (such as conferences and summits) and training programs allow us to learn new skills and expand our knowledge alongside diverse people from different backgrounds and cultures. This can help individuals build mental complexity and develop new tools to navigate life. Learning new skills can also promote a sense of accomplishment and self-esteem, improving mental health and well-being.
 
Another significant advantage of virtual events is the ability to fit your learning into your lifestyle without travelling to a specific location. This flexibility makes education and personal development more accessible, allowing individuals to balance their personal and professional commitments while pursuing growth and development opportunities. This adaptability can lead to reduced stress and greater control over one's life, further promoting mental health and well-being.

Mental complexity involves seeing multiple perspectives and understanding the complexities of different situations. It consists in having a flexible mindset and adapting to changing circumstances. Mental complexity is essential for navigating life and can be developed through training programs. Virtual events and training programs can provide tools and strategies for managing stress and anxiety, improving mental resilience, and building mental complexity. These skills can be applied to various situations, including work, relationships, and personal growth.

Develop Mental Complexity For Success At Work And Life With Blue Chip Minds
Virtual gatherings and events offer many mental health benefits, including maintaining social connections, reducing stress and anxiety, and providing community. Training programs can help individuals build mental complexity and develop new tools for navigating life. Investing in these programs can help individuals take control of their mental health and well-being and build resilience for the future.
 
Blue Chip Minds offers programs that educate leaders + individuals on the latest scientific discoveries about human potential and the human condition. At Blue Chip Minds, we understand the importance of mental health and well-being. That's why we offer programs with a blended delivery of face to face or virtual such as Life Reloaded, Superior Thinkers Toolbox, and Future Ready Leaders Toolkit to help you discover your unused potential.
 
Contact us today for more information.

Mental complexity can enhance your capability to adapt to changing circumstances by enabling you to consider multiple perspectives and solutions. A more complex understanding of the world may better equip you to navigate unexpected challenges and identify opportunities for growth and learning.

Do you find yourself pulled between your personal desires or responsibilities and doing what needs to be done for your business or career?
 
In the early 2000’s while managing over one hundred and fifty staff spread across more than forty-one thousand square kilometers, (without Zoom or MS Teams) I was introduced to the concept of work life balance, and I began instilling the idea with the team.

It sounded like a great theory at the time, especially with early mornings and late evenings after driving from location to location to visit team members. But with hindsight and knowledge backed by personal experience I came to understand that to obtain true work life balance, a 50/50 split, was not only impossible but trying to achieve it was creating unnecessary stress… kinda defeating the purpose.
 
In the world we woke up in today, things are vastly different than twenty years ago, we can access work from personal devices, and connect with team members across multiple time-zones with the click of a mouse and more of us are choosing to work from home making it so much easier for our focus to be hijacked by less important and often trivial distractions.
 
This can have a detrimental flow on effect on our productivity, relationships and performance as we unconsciously relegate the things that matter the most to the ‘I’ll get to that later’ list.

In the leadership programs we run, there is a fun and often tormenting activity we do where participants are forced to let go of the things they believe are important to them in order to get to what really matters most…
 
One by one we witness managers and leaders letting go of their gym memberships, their barista brewed coffee, their nightly glass of wine, their entertainment subscriptions, their hobbies, and even personal freedom is sacrificed as they narrow down to the one thing that matters most to them.
 
Do you know what 98% of participants declare as their most important thing, what they couldn’t live without? It’s Family!

If you find yourself doing things that are not important, or chipping away at outdated processes, maintaining unproductive habits that take you further and further away from what matters most to you or heck, you may still be trying to achieve the impossible 50/50 work life balance, you know, feeling guilty at home on the days when work needs to be a priority and thinking you’re in the wrong, or your reputation will be ruined, when personal and family commitments impact your work.
 
It doesn’t have to be this way, you can equip yourself with cutting edge tools to help you navigate the demands of the day, increase productivity, and focus on what matters.

I know it can be painful doing things that are not working for us and at the same time not having the knowledge to push back confidently and intelligently on the things that negatively impact our well-being, relationships, goals, values, and time.
 
Before learning or sharpening the tools that will help you do more of what matters… you may want to first understand the 6 most widely experienced derailers I see people from all walks of life struggle with.  
 
After 20+ years of diving into the fields of human potential, mindset and neurobiology and psychology combined with 1000’s of hours coaching I noticed common traps we all unwittingly fall into when it comes to getting to the things we really want to do or spending time with the people that matter most.
 
If you are like me and want good results, I have no doubt that you know that to achieve results and perform at our best we need to be confident in our decisions, efficient in our thinking and productive with our time.
 
This is easier said than done because no matter how hard we try to be productive and do what matters, there always seems to be people, situations, notifications, and that pesky inner voice that have the potential to distract and derail us.

What I have noticed both within myself in the past, and with coaching clients is the first issue we face. To put it simply, we want to please everyone.
 
Being a people pleaser and not being able to say no effectively leads to doing things not aligned to our goals or doing things to keep other people happy or maintain an unhealthy peace.

The second derailer comes from our neurobiology - we are wired to avoid uncertainty.
 
This innate need to feel safe can slow down or even prevent decisions from being made. This leads to procrastination because we’re afraid to make a start or do things differently. We end up fighting against anything that takes us away from homeostasis, clinging to how things are or how things were, wired to stay in the safety of an outdated way of being.

We can look to biology to understand the third derailer. Derailer number three is our unhealthy well-being habits draining us of the energy we need to get things done.
 
Our energy is derived from the type of food we eat, how much we move, and the quality of our sleep.
 
These are all important factors that impact energy levels and our ability to do what matters, often giving preference to an easy task (think Netflix, gossiping or social scrolling) to match our low energy levels.

The fourth derailer is a psychological one. When our subconscious identity is not aligned to the work we need to do we will unconsciously sabotage our efforts.
 
When who we assume and believe we are is not aligned to who we need to be to get the work done we end up going in circles often reverting to our old ways.
 
If you want to dive a little deeper into the power of your self-image, grab copies of Gay Hendricks book ‘The Big Leap', Chip and Dan heaths Book 'Switch' or Maxwell Maltz book ‘Psycho Cybernetics’.
 
The deeply held beliefs you hold about yourself create a protective system that can sometimes lead to us sabotaging our efforts to focus on what really matters.

The fifth derailer is an environmental one.

You can't be productive if your physical, social, or mental environments are unsupportive.

To set yourself up for success in this area be sure to create an uncluttered space dedicated to the work that needs to be done. Ensure that you are socially supported by engaging in a coach or buddy to cheer you on and hold you accountable to delivering on your objectives. 
 
It is equally important that you create a supportive mental environment by choosing narratives that support your outcomes such as telling yourself  things like:

• “I’m a ninja with my time”,
• “I deliver before due dates”,
• "I easily focus on my work",
• “I am resourceful and get things done in a professional and timely manner.”

 
In essence you’re giving yourself a pep talk to override any beliefs that suggest you don’t have the time, energy, or capacity.

And sixth most common thing that derails us is distractions, and wow… the world certainly has turned up the volume on distractions and shiny objects, stealing our attention away from what’s important.
 
Distractions big or small such as noise, notifications, interruptions from other people or pets, regularly checking emails or your phone. Anything that takes you away from what you are doing are the biggest derailers of productivity.
 
These unwanted intrusions on our time slowly eat away at any hope we may have of consciously integrating our work with our life.
 
Believe it or not distractions are the easiest to fix when you know how to set boundaries for yourself and for others. If you'd like some easy fixes to help you deal with distractions grab yourself a copy of Nir Eyal’s book ‘Indistractible’

What’s interesting about these six common derailers is that we can overcome all of them by overcoming the first one.
 
Once we know how to say no in an enlightened way, we begin to help ourselves and others to let go of the things that no longer serve us and to focus on what’s important.
 
We can set boundaries for ourselves to create healthy well-being habits, we can set clear limits and expectations as to the person that we want to become, we can say no to the things in our environment that get in the way of our best performance, and we can deliberately put measures in place to ensure we are not distracted from what matters most moment to moment.

It’s up to you to get yourself on track and more importantly, stay there. The tools are available in books, podcasts, and courses.
 
The first step is to determine what really matters to you, what’s your priority in any given moment then check to see which of the derailers are present.
 
We know that knowledge alone doesn’t do a darn thing, so if you want support to kick any of your bad habits, outdated self-beliefs or fixed mindset to the curb…

I’m opening up my diary to 6 people who are yet to experience Blue Chip Minds Coaching and who want to get back on track to join me for some complimentary 1:1 time in a 30min get me back on track session.

So… what stops you most often?

• Are you people pleaser?
  
• Do you avoiding uncertainty, clinging to how things are/were?
• Do you have unhealthy wellbeing habits?
• Is your self-identity misaligned to what you want?
• Is your environment (physical, social, mental) full of clutter?
• Are you easily distracted, unable to focus on what’s in front of you?

 
Drop me a line, I’d love to hear what derails you and how you plan to get back on track.
 
Here’s to you doing more of what matters.
 
 Contributed by Georgia Ellis

Contributed by Georgia Ellis

Deciding is one of the single most powerful mental moves you can make to help solve your problems. Your entire life is dictated by the decisions you make moment to moment. The health of your mind and body, the well-being of your family, your financial stability, your career success, how much a person will trust you and, the type of relationships you develop, all depend on your ability to make sound decisions.
 
In the workplace 60% of two thousand executives surveyed reported that bad decisions were as frequent as good ones. When it comes to our personal lives people are making as many bad decisions as good one too. Consider the people who haven’t saved enough for retirement, and if they have ‘squirreled’ some money away, they often erode their portfolios with fear-based decisions or short-term payoffs. This was evident in Australia in 2020 when due to the global pandemic, people were given the option to access their superannuation savings to help meet their living requirements, yet some people withdrew the funds for hobbies, sports equipment, entertainment or to purchase a car.
 
Ultimately decisions bring order to our mind, and this order is then reflected in our life. British philosophical writer James Allen wrote:

I personally subscribe to the notion that we live and die by the decisions we make, and that for the most part we can rectify any ill-informed decisions. There are, however, people who make a decision and if they don’t get the desired results, they feel like a failure.

The thing is, failing doesn’t make anyone a failure but being quick to throw in the towel when the going gets tough… well maybe that could be seen as failing. Pushing through or quitting are both decisions therefore any lack of accomplishment or high levels of achievement on your part are both the result of your decisions.
 
What I find interesting about decision making is that we often think we make well informed decisions, yet the truth is, unless we have high levels of self and environmental awareness, we will neglect to consider the hidden influences both internal and external that unconsciously impact our judgements.

Most of us don’t realise that our important decisions could be swayed by seemingly meaningless external factors. In the workplace judgements and decisions can be swayed by who spoke first in the meeting, what day of the week it is or whether the local football team won last night’s match. At home we could be swayed by the room temperature, whether we’ve eaten or how much sleep we had.
 
Internal factors that can impede our decision making include subconscious programming that has formed certain biases over time, our unchecked assumptions, and our short-term emotions. These internal influences often move us away from rational and intuitive processing and lead to uneducated often bad decisions.
 
Our hidden influences are rarely considered in our everyday approach to decision-making.  When we encounter a choice, we tend to not entertain alternative options, often analysing our options through the lens of our confirmation bias which is only seeing information that we want to see. While our short-term emotion tempts us to make the wrong decision for the wrong reasons. Consider the times you made an irrational decision in a moment of anger, frustration or even during those warm fuzzy feelings of new love.
 
We can make better decisions by bringing these hidden influences to the surface.

A method I have been playing with in recent times has helped me to begin to recognise and lean into my biases and assumptions. And I’d love to share it with you here.
 
When faced with a decision our incredible brains filtering system likes to point us towards the information that backs up our beliefs and values. As we consider our options and form our assumptions, the confirmation bias begins to block out information outside of our beliefs, leading us towards self-serving information.
 
It’s at this early stage of the decision making process that I try to become aware that this is likely happening to me and I go about testing my assumptions.

Testing Assumptions doesn’t come naturally. That’s the whole point of the confirmation bias—deep down, we never really want to hear the negative information.
 
When testing assumptions, the aim is to collect information that you can trust however the confirmation bias skews your assessment by making you prefer one option over another and homing in on favourable data. To overcome this blind spot, you can develop the discipline of considering the opposite of your initial instincts. (I’m trying to build this muscle and boy oh boy the confirmation bias force is strong)
 
You can also test your assumptions by asking yourself this simple question:

“Is what I’m assuming happening 100% of the time to 100% of the population?"

You can also test assumptions with constructive disagreement either with another person, or if your critical thinking is dialed up, pull out your journal and disagree with yourself. A curious mindset is super helpful too, you can dial up your curiosity by asking yourself and other people probing and open-ended questions to uncover information that your biases had previously blocked. 
 
Our assumptions and confirmation bias doesn’t just affect what information we go looking for; it also affects what we notice in the first place. (Damn our brains are clever at making us see what we want to see!)
 
Depending on the importance of your decision, you can challenge your assumptions with formal well conducted research. This type of research is a learned skill; it is challenging, nuanced, complex and time consuming.  Most of us don’t have the time, skills, or desire to do proper research. Most of us have become lazy, relying on gossip, information from less than credible sources, social media feeds and the mainstream news for information to help inform decisions that in some instances can have far reaching and negative effects on our results and wellbeing.
 
Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine the level of due diligence your decision requires, choosing what vacuum cleaner to purchase, deciding if you want to be the first to trial a medical procedure, or contemplating whether to take a job that requires uprooting the entire family and taking them to a foreign country all involve different levels of research (Unless you’re like me who spent way too long researching a recent vacuum cleaner purchase!)

If you do choose to conduct research, it’s helpful to know what formal research isn’t.

• Reading a few books,
• Scanning newspaper articles,
• Googling,
• Scrolling social media feeds,
• Watching YouTube or TV to search for the results you want to find.
  

This type of ‘fact finding’ is confirmation bias. Any of these sources are quickly and easily ruled out when doing actual formal research. Beware of google algorithms, they too are heavily biased to point you in the direction of your search history.

When a decision requires accurate balanced research, it’s important that you apply critical thinking to discern the facts from the fiction. You can do this by:
 

• Compiling an information review and writing summaries on each source of information.
• Collecting a random sample of sources and performing independent probability statistics on the reported results.
• Looking deeper into each source of information, such as the author, publisher, and funder, then critique the information for logical fallacies, cognitive distortions and obvious inaccuracies
• Asking yourself why this source might publish these particular results
• Following the trail of references and applying the same level of scrutiny.
  

When faced with important decisions the type of analysis and research you do will help you to make better decisions. A healthy dose of scepticism can be a good thing especially when applied to the things we believe or want to be true, and not just to those things outside of what we believe.
 
Decisions can range from simple, to complicated, to complex and in our faced paced world we need to develop a level of awareness that moves us away from our entrained thinking and conditioned responses. We must widen our perspective so that we aren’t blinded to new ways of thinking and stop thinking that our 'expertise' means we always know what the best decision is or what is the right way forward.

The truth is none of us have a crystal ball and we’re all making the best decisions we can with the information we have… just do your best to source reliable and credible information for the decisions that matter to you.

I’m confident that you would have experienced being in a conversation with someone, and you get a sense that they aren't really paying attention to you, maybe it’s not a sense, maybe its downright obvious that their attention has been hijacked. You notice their eyes not meeting yours, they’re checking a device, or their attention span has been shortened from device overuse. They may randomly comment but what they say is totally irrelevant to the thread of the conversation. Personally, I find this not only frustrating, but it quickly dials down my respect and trust in the other person.
 
By no means am I always an active listener angel, I notice my ability to pay attention diminishes when I am tired, stressed out or preoccupied with a project. I assume this may be the case for you too. What I have come to understand over time is that listening, like any other skill, can be improved and more importantly, our ears, eyes and for some of us our highly tuned empathic sensing provides a direct link to our hidden modes of communication.
 
There is something magical about being fully heard by another human. When we share ideas and experiences unencumbered by judgement or having someone want to solve our problems we feel liberated and connected. The shared space creates a deep connection with the other person increasing mutual trust, respect and sometimes a feeling of catharsis.
 
One of the biggest challenges in personal and professional relationships is creating space for effective two-way communication to occur. We need to manage both our internal and external environments effectively in order to do this.

One of the things I love to do is catch up with friends, not over a coffee, but for a walk-in nature. There are a number of reasons for this, the first being I love being in nature and all the benefits it brings, and secondly to create a space for undisturbed connection, nature has fewer background distractions that are often found in a café, no dobt you’ve experienced the clanging of coffee machines, conversations nearby reverberating off the tables, walls and floors, and the constant interruption of a staff member asking if the meal or coffee was ok.
 
Consciously choosing where you meet, or talk is a great start, then removing any distractions is always helpful. If you’re at home, put the TV on mute, or turn it off, put your phone on silent and pop it away and out of sight and for those of you with smart watches, there is nothing more frustrating than having a conversation with someone who repeatedly lifts their wrist to check notifications or interrupts the conversation to share that their watch was telling them that mum’s calling, but they won’t answer it. So, maybe turn of your vibrating notifications too.
 
When we converse over the phone or online, the same rules of deep engagement apply. Although you may not be in the same physical location, you can still be 100% present. Do your best to dial in from a location with as little distraction as possible away from pets, partners and children, turn off notifications and close down any other apps. When you do this your focused attention on the conversation will pay huge dividends for yourself and the relationship.
 
When scheduling time to be with another human be sure to use the time to be fully present for each other and allow for the natural flow of the conversation to take you to a place where nothing else exists, there’s no time, no one else and nothing else matters. 
 

When dealing with other people being able to share your thoughts and wishes effectively is a something most of us can do with some level of success. But we also have to be open to what others have to say. The most important aspect of creating and nurturing relationships begins with active listening. Active listening is an inside job and can be a challenge to master.

Most people confuse hearing with listening. This can lead to misunderstandings, arguments and frustration for both parties. If you are the one needing to be heard, and you’re not, you may end up lowering your respect levels and trust for the person you are with. We can't control other people’s actions or how they listen to us, however we can set boundaries or rules of engagement if someone is continually distracted when they are in our presence. (we’ll cover how to set boundaries in another article)
 
Active listening is an inside job, it requires awareness, curiosity and compassion. Often when communicating, our inbuilt filtering system prevents us from really hearing the other person. Our beliefs create confirmation bias, our assumptions cause misunderstanding, our predetermined judgements about a person or situation may stir up a perceptual defence and our emotional state may lead to us to only hearing what we want to hear.   
 
We often think that it takes courage and confidence to share our deepest thoughts and to be heard, and it does, but it also takes awareness, courage and confidence to shut up and listen.

Active listening is a skill any one can learn (and most of us need plenty of practice) Active listening will become your go to tool once you discover its power to improve personal and professional relationships. If you don't invest in becoming better at active listening, you will unconsciously discount other people’s perspective, ideas and experiences and they in turn will become emotionally distant (not a great thing in an intimate relationship) and they will no longer want to contribute to conversations or provide creative ideas (Impacting the progress of a business)

The aim of Active Listening is to build respect, gather information, expand our perspective and increase understanding. In a world of constant distractions where our attention span has become less than that of a goldfish perhaps we can borrow a line from Mark Anthony’s request for attention in the play Julius Caesar, by William Shakespeare. Where he announces “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears"

It takes attention, focus and the willingness to accept what is being expressed without judgement. Can we lend our ears and eyes 100% to the person attempting to communicate with us?

Here are 5 tips to help you become an Active Listener Angel.  

• Be on a level playing ground. Ensure you are both at the same eye level. Come out from behind the desk and sit with someone, both sit or both stand.
  
• It is your responsibility to respond appropriately (verbally and non-verbally) to what the other person is saying, true listening is a gift of your time.
• Nod occasionally.
• Smile and use other facial expressions.
• Open your posture.
• Use small verbal comments like yes, and "uh huh."
  

 

Active listening is one of the many communication tools we can use to build trustworthy relationships. Make time to listen to the people that matter in your life, it doesn’t make sense to be too busy to listen to someone else's story, opinion, idea or point of view.  Listening is a beautiful gift of our most precious resource ‘time’ that we can give to others allowing humanity to thrive and grow together!
 
#betterhumans

p.s remember to have some fun!

Contributed by: Georgia Ellis

I know it's hard right now balancing commercial goals with the well-being and growth of your people and somehow you did it! It is an absolute honour to work with business leaders and decision makers who not only realise that that their people must come first, above the customer and the shareholder, but they take inspired action towards making it a reality for their organisation.

I often wonder how many organisations expect their tired, wired and depleted team to show up and be the best for each other and their customers, especially when they have not been able to invest in themselves first. How can a person truly connect, influence and shine for a business if at first, they can't shine for themselves?

I love the challenge of working with you to help you serve your people in a way that has never been done before. I love that you knew there was a better and different way to invest in your team and when we shared our approach it resonated deeply with you, and you took immediate action to get started. I now realise you had been searching for unique and proven ways to serve your people and the business at the same time, and here we are :)

I admire the work you do and your bigger vision as a business to truly make the world a better place with your products and services. Instead of playing the short and finite game, your organisation plays the long and infinite game where everyone wins including your customers, clients, team members, shareholders, stakeholders, vendors and the world we share.
 
I am forever grateful that you found us and that we have worked together to create solutions to meet your unique needs. It is a delight working with you all, most importantly and above all, we love your team, your leaders and all the people who participate in our programs, they show up, play full out and in doing so they become better humans. Together your organisation gets to meet your goals and Blue Chip Minds gets to meet ours.
 
I admire that you listened to that deeper knowing that went against convention, you sensed
and truly believed that you have to, need to, and want to do more for your people. Your commitment to building self-awareness, helping people think differently and providing a wider lens for them to see challenges in a new light and providing them with the tools to thrive… not just at work…. but in life, is a massive paradigm shift as to how organisations approached their workforce in the past. It’s because of you that I have faith in the future of humanity and big business.
 
Your leaders have shown that they are ready to lead in a multidimensional way and now they have the tools to do it, helping your organisation to become a human centered commercially minded workforce.
 
I can’t say I’ve ever felt this way about a business client, and not sure if it’s good for business to say this out loud, but to hell with convention right! I have to say it.

I'm thankful that we are aligned and our work together is profitable and beneficial for everyone! Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for being a modern-day Robin Hood and showing up for your people.

Thank you for caring - together we can help to make the world a better place.
 
In gratitude
 
Georgia + The BCM Team.

In social gatherings I often find myself simply sitting and observing. I’m teaching myself to take in the surroundings and pay attention to what people are saying and doing. Overtime I have trained myself to notice the slight nuisances in a person’s tone of voice, their posture, the pace in which they speak and the words they choose as I’m observing I then get curious, I ask myself, I wonder what experience, information, values, and perspectives sit behind how they are showing up?
 
The truth is I will never know how someone comes to their view of the world, this in and of itself doesn’t bother me. I may be able to better understand them and their motivation by how they are communicating, which can be helpful, if I get it right that is but what often raises a mildy disapproving eyebrow is when I hear people sharing an opinion or information that is not backed by personal experience or clear evidence. There is a word for this kind of communication, gossiping. These interactions usually lead to misinformation as a story is rehashed to suit a particular situation or the storyteller’s agenda; a little like the ‘Whisper Challenge’ the further away or down the line you are from the original source, the more likely you are receiving embellishments, untruths, or biased information.
 
For the receivers of information who are not fully trained in the art of thinking, the misinformation can lead to misguided actions and reactions and can go on to produce unwanted ripple effects in their own life and the lives of the collective as misinformation or outdated ideas becomes a mainstream belief or world view.
 
Each of us holds a unique and personal perspective of reality that is often formed through childhood as part of our induction into being human, and then as adults we unconsciously and consciously give certain people and organisations credibility and a halo of godliness, automatically believing what they say without question. For the most part we are influenced and manipulated by external forces, too lazy to think for ourselves. When we’re busy being too busy, it is much easier to scroll social media or turn on the TV and listen to a person dressed in a suit tell us how to think and act.
 
Fortunately, there are a growing number of people who are no longer swayed by the glitz and glamour of a celebrity clambering for recognition, a politician trying to win votes, or a friends ego getting the better of them. These people are in the process of mastering the art of thinking. They usually do this through curiosity, discernment, trusting their intuitive nudges and an awareness of human nature. This skill, yes, it is a skill, is one that anyone can learn. Through practice we can learn how to ask the right questions to determine the motivation and credibility of our sources of information. In short, we can tune our ‘Bullshit detector’ to a high level of accuracy and know when and how to boldly respond in a way that doesn’t lead to conflict.
 
Over time as a species, we have and will continue to collectively increase our mental complexity. This form of human evolution is often the result of an individual or group making a bold stand and challenging a commonly held perspective that has been inaccurately accepted to be true or mainstream.  Unfortunately, sometimes their questioning or new perspective is subject to harsh and even life ending consequences, all because their view or questioning was not in line with the mainstream perspective, or they did not agree with those who claimed “authority” at the time.
 
Humans are funny creatures, we fight so hard to hold on to our perspective, and when someone comes along with a different approach, idea or viewpoint that could change an individual’s life, increase an organisations productivity, or maybe even make the world a better place for future generations – we scoff, snigger, shoot them down, insult them and publicly ridicule them – go team human?!

We seem to quickly forget that thinking differently has been key to major shifts that have so profoundly influenced the advancement of our collective pursuits in philosophy, science, and technology.
 
So, back to my social observations. Why do I do this? Why sit there and watch what’s going on? The truth is, I am trying to master the art of thinking. I am trying not to let my past dictate my future. I am having meta conversations with myself to try and allow my habitual, egotistic, biased thoughts and feelings to rise above my accepted norm in that moment. I am practicing how to entertain an enquiry that takes me outside of the constraints of my default perspective of how things are or are meant to be. I must admit, it’s not easy and I find myself asking the wrong question and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Real thinking is an artform that requires awareness, practice and time. The hardest part for me has been adopting a willingness to be wrong in a belief or view and learning from my misguided enquiries in the hope that I will be able to gracefully transcend ideas that once were deemed by myself or society to be absolute truth that have no relevance in the world we woke up in today.
 
Throughout my life I have had various mentors (some alive some alive through the medium of books) some whom at the time I trusted impeccably, only to find as my mental complexity grew, as my values evolved, their views no longer served me or my changing worldview. Right now, I have a few mentors who offer me a wide angled view of the world and who unbeknown to them, continually challenge my world view. They are teaching me to think, to discern and to test my assumptions. I must admit this process is often a destabilising and challenging experience as I muster up the courage to unlearn and to think differently. It’s exhausting! Pass me the remote for some six-o’clock news someone please.

As I am begin shifting my personal world view, and feeling off kilter, skidding between guard rails, the people around me assume I’m the same me. They believe I hold the same view, values and beliefs that I did yesterday. This becomes a next level challenge as I emerge in my familiar surroundings, looking the same on the outside, with an internal updated operating system that no-one is aware of unless I open my mouth and talk. Friends and family must feel like they’re sitting down at their trusty PC only to switch it on to find it’s using an Apple operating system, they are lost, confused, and don’t understand the language I now speak. Interactions become disjointed and frustrating to everyone especially those who may not agree with or understand my emerging view. It feels lonely, I want to curl up in the foetal position and suck my thumb until it’s safe to come out again. Although as enticing as it seems, hiding away is not courage, it’s an act of fear and potential conformity where nothing changes, my world stays the same and I won’t make a positive difference sucking my thumb.

In his unified science course, Nassin Haramein Founder of the Resonance Science Foundation writes,

According to Abraham Maslow, one of our deepest needs and drivers is the need to fit in and having a point of view that is at odds with those we live and work with can feel threatening to our survival.  One way I see around this is for as many of us as possible to dig deep and be bold - together. Yes, we will come up against friends, family, colleagues, policies, procedures and structures that feel like a form or resistance to a new and often better way of thinking and being. We may feel like an oddball, with no tribe to fit in with and become discouraged to stand up to an injustice, or an outdated workplace policy, in some instances we may feel threatened and even begin to question our own conclusions and logic and may even start to judge ourselves as being stupid for even thinking something different. It’s hard to swim against a current of arguments that appear to be truth and accepted as ‘right’ in our culture. This is the wave some of us are riding now as new ideas and ways of working are emerging and confronting long held collective views, can we ride the wave arm in arm? If we see someone swimming against the current, can we throw them a perry buoy in the form of encouragement, being interested in their point of view and using curiosity to validate their position with them?

Shifting your perspective is a deeply personal experience. It’s up to each of us to pay close attention to where information is coming from and our personal relationship to the information and decide for ourselves what feels true.
 
Continually shifting my perspective and being open to new ideas is an ongoing learning process for me, by no means am I perfect. Over time I have noticed that as each of my outdated perspectives fall away and as I listen deeply and pay close attention to the motivations of those around me, my life has become richer, and I have a deep sense of freedom and faith in a better future for everyone.
 
 As you navigate life, I invite you to become a ‘Virtuoso of Thought’ by asking yourself some questions during your interactions with other people and sources of information:
 

• What is underpinning how I am viewing my experience and/or this information?
  
• What position or perspective could be driving those who are presenting their views to me? Do I need to ask them a question to help me understand their position? (this includes family and friends, the media, academic, economic, corporate, political and other large and collectively influential institutions)
• What could be motivating a person to hold their particular point of view? Can I use curiosity as a tool to find out more?
• Does this information, person or experience support a more connected and sustainable future for everyone?

 
When you decide to open your mind and start shifting your perspective, you begin to positively contribute to a greater organisational, community or even global shift.
 
#betterhumans

Until recently, I have had a tug-of-war like relationship with the idea of responsibility for as long as I can remember. This recent shift felt like I was handed a key to a new understanding that nested in my mind and then expanded to create a form of internal freedom.

As if handed down by the magical powers that be directly into my awareness, I was offered a unique and transformative way to reshape how I look at, and understand, responsibility beyond what I had thought previously, which was always associated with a role, title or position. 

I now consider this a framework, a concept, a potential mapping of sorts, for how we can navigate ourselves and each other through the terrain of modern living and all of its complexities, and in this article I will be sharing it with you.

So, grab yourself a glass of your favourite beverage, sit back and let’s go on a little meditative and contemplative ride of curiosity and wonder together about how we can potentially reshape how, and what, we think when it comes to responsibility.​​

So, what can we do?
 

1. Well, for one, be kind to each other and remember that everyone is trying their best.

 
    2. Remember that during times of emotional, physical and/or mental internal imbalance, people are not at their best, and therefore, we need to recognise the inability of the other person to provide what we believe to be an appropriate response.
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A potential tool for these moments would be to become curious and ask the person we are about to request something from, “what is your current energetic, emotional, and physical capacity?” 

We could even go so far as to ask them to rate their levels out of 10 or 100, and if used in a team environment, whoever has the highest score may be able to take the reins for a moment to allow others to regain their equilibrium.  
 
    3. Use the description of ‘response-ability’ as a principle to live by, outside of roles, duties, status and labels – let’s perceive it as a guiding principle.

The more I think about this, the more I feel there’s so much to say, develop and find clarity on how the actual practical application of such a framework fits across our lived experiences. 

Though, essentially, I think it can be summed up by being more considerate of others and the environments we find ourselves in, and shifting our focus and attention from other people’s choices, actions and behaviours to our own. 

If we at least start from there, I trust the magnificence of who we are on a fundamental level - kindness, compassion, openness, curiosity, playfulness, joyfulness - will help us find our way.

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